Notes
by missorganasolo
Summary: Leia stumbles across something of Han's, yet is confused with her findings and is intrigued to find out more...


Leia was bored, her children had spent the weekend with their father so they were worn out and already in bed fast asleep. It was too early for her to call it a night; so after preparing the agenda for her council meeting the next day, she decided to alphabetise her book collection.

When Leia pulled out a copy of 'Lies My Teacher Told Me', a note fell from in between the pages. She stared down at it curiously and intrigued.

"What the heck?" She questioned as she bent down and picked up the old, folded piece of paper. She studied it carefully and unfolded it. "Han", Leia sighed, immediately recognizing her ex-husband's chicken scratch.

18.6.99

Leia,

I don't know why I'm writing this; maybe it's the exhaustion or the lack of Corellian Ale in my system that has made me loopy.

You probably won't find this until I'm dead. Hopefully my death will be something epic like a suicide mission to destroy a new death star, or something as awesome as going down a martyr in a bar fight. Or maybe I'll get lucky and it'll be old age and I'll have made the most of my time with you, your worship. Corny and lame, I know.

"You are so dead, flyboy", Leia growled as she put the book back on the shelf and made her way to the couch before she read any further.

'We brought our twins home from the hospital today.

Jaina Solo, 7lbs 4ozs, 21 inches.

She looks like you, so obviously, she's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, but unfortunately she received my smile and mischief, sorry.

Jacen Solo, 8lbs 2ozs, 23 inches.

Luckily for him, he got my charming good looks, and maybe your eyes but they are nothing special. Just kidding, please do not hurt me.

I don't know why I'm writing this. I guess to just to tell you I love you. And instead of this letter being proof you now have my children.

All my love, your loving husband and now a father, yours, Flyboy.'

"Wow." Leia said as she folded the letter back up and placed it on the coffee table and stared back at the book shelf wondering how many, if any, there were left.

—

Standing from the couch and walking to the shelf she went over each title thinking whether Han would hide a note in there or not. She reached for Life: A User's Manual and searched the pages for a note, finding one tucked away somewhere in the middle.

'13.8.12

Leia,

You said you were divorcing me today.

I had Anakin in my arms when you told me. I thought I might I drop him, but at the same time I couldn't hold him tight enough. You went to make sure the other kids were in bed, Ani and I cried ourselves to sleep.

He didn't even know why he was crying.

I love you. I don't know what else to say.

I couldn't and I can't live without you. I don't want to. I thought after we started dating after the war I'd never have to. I swore we would be forever.

I love you. I don't know how to tell you how much.

The twins, and Ani, they need us together. I don't want them to go back and forth between us. I don't want that life for them, for us.

I'm sorry I fucked up. But nothing happened and I wish you'd believe me. I know I didn't come home that night, but that doesn't mean I spent the night with someone else. I smelt like booze and cheap perfume because I went to the cantina and tried to drink myself into oblivion.

I didn't have sex with any one. The last woman I've been with is you, and I don't even remember how long ago that was.

I know I was in the wrong for not calling, for not coming home, for letting you worry. We got into it. I left and you didn't see me until work the next morning.

You wouldn't and won't listen to me.

I love you, Leia Organa-Solo.

You know when you have a crush on someone? You get nervous every time you see them and your stomach erupts into butterflies. You can't help but smile. Your chest swells, your heart flutters and it's impossible to keep the nerves out of your voice.

Even after however many years, I still have a crush on you.

We have three children to prove it.

I love you.

Han'

"Scoundrel", Leia whispered as she ran her fingertip over his last I love you. "You really are a scruffy-looking nerfherder." She smiled and flipped through a couple more books until she came across the next note.

—

9.3.01

'Leia,

You told me we were having another baby today.

Our third baby.

I know you cried and you were upset, thinking we were not ready for another. But I'm excited.

I guess it's different because I don't have to be pregnant. I won't be throwing up, my boobs won't hurt, and I sure as hell won't be craving the crazy things you crave when you're pregnant… I love you sweetheart!

But it's another baby! We already have our little girl and boy I know you'd do anything and everything for them, just like this baby.

Not to mention you're SO sexy when you're heavy with my children.

"He just called me heavy." Leia pouted aloud as she read the note. "Bastard."

Not to mention once you're past your first trimester your libido goes crazy! I love when we have sex in the bathroom on the Falcon because you can't wait 'till we get home.

I love you and thank you.

Yours truly, Laser Brain.'

"Hello, Mara?" Leia asked as she held the phone to her ear. "I was wondering if you could come over and stay with the kids for a little while?" She asked as sweetly as she could, knowing she probably had her own things to do. "I have to go kick my ex-husband's ass."

—

7.11.8

'Leia,

I love you.

Han.'

"Thank you, so much Mara" Leia exclaimed as she shrugged on her coat and hugged her friend.

"What did he do now?" Mara asked as she kicked her combat boots off and outer jedi robe.

"I've been finding these in my books." Leia explained as she dropped several folded squares in Mara's hand.

26.12.4

'Leia,

Ani said "Daddy" for the first time yesterday, Christmas. Definitely one of the best gifts ever.

You cried. I cried. The children just laughed.

I don't know how to thank you enough for our children. For marrying me.

I love you.

Han'

"That was so sweet." Skywalker smiled and handed the notes back to Leia. "How many are there?"

"A lot." she said as she slid them into her coat pockets. "I am going to go talk to him about this."

"Good, I wanna know what happens." Mara squealed and Leia laughed as she grabbed the keys to her speeder.

"The kids are all worn out, so they will not even make a sound, help yourself to anything you want," she stated turning back to her friend.

"You know I will." Mara retaliated.

—

"Leia? What's wrong?" Han gulped as he opened the door of the Millennium Falcon to find his angry ex-wife on his ramp. "Are the kids okay?"

"The kids are fine, Han," Leia said. "May I come in?"

"Of course." Han said and stepped aside to let her in.

"I found some things I thought you may be interested in." Leia said as she emptied her coat pockets out onto his coffee table.

"You found those?" Han laughed as he rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

"Yes." Leia said as she picked a note up to read. " Leia, Anakin was born today. And when I didn't think I could love you any more, you prove me wrong again. I love you. So much, Solo."

"Yeah." Han mumbled as she let the note float down to the coffee table.

"Han, you never said I love you!" Leia exaggerated and took a step closer to him. "Yet, in every one of these notes. You say it at least once."

"I know." Han swallowed, daring to use the sacred words exchanged between the two, as he looked away from her.

"Why did you write all these? When did you write all these?" she asked as she shed her coat.

"I'd be thinking and it would never be the right time to say any of it. So at night if one of the kids was up I would just write down what I was thinking since I never got the chance to say any of it." Han shrugged as he saw Leia look around the bare shiphold.

"It was never the right time to say I love you?" Leia questioned as she observed her nervous ex and his recently returned address. The only thing besides the furniture and numerous boxes of takeout rubbish, that made his place look lived in was the pictures of their family scattered all over. Including photos of just the two of them.

"I did say it. But the other stuff." Han said motioning to the notes. "How many did you read?"

"Several." Leia claimed. "The one from the day we brought Jaina and Jacen home. The night I asked for a divorce. When I told you I was pregnant with Anakin. The first time Ani called you Daddy. One just said I love you."

"Some of my best work," he joked as he walked by her into the kitchen.

"Han, please." Leia whispered after him following him across the small space.

"What?" Han croaked out. "What do you want from me? You have my heart. You have my kids."

"I want to know why." She demanded.

"Why what?"

"Why we broke." She cried and stomped her foot at him frustrated.

"You wouldn't believe me." he accused. "I know, I know you don't believe that I didn't sleep with some female. You don't trust me to be faithful!"

"I do." Leia shouted. "I just did not know if you still wanted to be."

"Leia, we have three beautiful children together and I want to be nothing but yours forever. I am nothing but yours." he cried. "But I don't want us to fight for the duration of our forever."

"Anakin hates it," she added as she glanced at the Corellian Whiskey on top of his cabinet.

"I know he does, they all do." Han accentuated, not ignoring the fact she'd seen the alcohol. "I hate it here. I hate it with everything I have left. Not being able to come home and see my kids. Give my boys a proud hug for doing something that you forbade them to do that same morning, and read my little girl her bedtime story. It's killing me Leia."

"So you have been drinking?"

"Not as much as I used to." Han whimpered wondering if she'd remember the first time he said those words after she'd asked him if he still found her annoying . He could tell by the glare he got, that she did. "It helps me sleep. I don't know how to sleep without you next to me and our children down the hall. I can't stop thinking about if something went wrong, I wouldn't be there. To protect you and them."

"I am capable of protecting our babies, flyboy."

"I know you are." Han said inching closer to her. "But then who is there to look after you?"

"You, from a distance, I suppose." Leia shrugged as he wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Who's with the kids now?"

"Mara." she said shivering at the feeling of his breath on her hair. "They were pretty tired from the weekend with you."

"I tried to do as much with them as I could." he whispered. "I can't tell you how much I hate this, only seeing them on weekends and you at work occasionally."

"I love you, hotshot." Leia sighed against his lips. "Your notes boiled my heart."

"Melted." he chuckled.

"Apparently my brain too! But I'd much rather you say those things to me, than write them down for me to find years later." Leia smiled. "Even if it means waking me up in the middle of the night."

"Okay." Han nodded as he swept his lips against hers.

"I want you to tell me you love me every day you do."

"So forever." he grinned as she playfully nipped at his lip.

"There will be no more cantina trips and no more alcohol on top of the fridge, or in the house." Leia ordered. "I do not want to see you go through that again. You have a problem, talk it out, do not drink it out, that is what a wife is there for! I will not put our children through that again. So help me if I see you getting close to that man you were again."

"Deal." Han said happily as he kissed her again. Savoring her sweet taste as his tongue knotted with hers. "Let me call Mara, see if she can stay with the kids for the night."

"Alright hotshot", she breathed before hopping up in his arms and wrapping her legs around his waist.

"Maybe Mara can wait…" Leia only giggled giddily across his neck, sending shivers down Han's spine as he sauntered to their cabin on the ship, now a very ecstatic pilot.

 **AUTHORS NOTE- TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK, THERE ARE A FEW CORRECTIONS TO THIS UPDATE, I KNOW HAN AND LEIA WOULD NEVER SEPARATE BUT I WROTE THIS HYPOTHETICALLY SPEAKING, IN A 'WHAT IF' SCENARIO. THOUGHTS WOULD BE APPRECIATED ON WHETHER TO WRITE A SEQUEL TO THIS. READ AND REVIEW, THANKS!**


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